So all throughout the night last night I was thinking of how unlike many others with EDs I don't want to be 'saved'. No thank you. I'd rather be scarred raw than a picture-perfect image of someone who had magically overcome their disorder through all these trials and tribulations. 

It's not that I don't want people to care – just don't interfere in my choice to keep going deeper into it. It's a challenge that I willingly accept, because at this point I refuse to be one of those people who advocate words of "beauty is innate" and all that shit because that's obviously not how it is to the general public. 

I'm sticking with my disorder because I'm too wimpy to go further – at one point in life I was wondering where one could buy razor blades, but I pushed that thought away for no reason other than: I do not dare.

Everyone thinks my life is amazing: good grades, good friends, parents that are never home.

Please, all that doesn't determine how good one's life is. If there's no essence to life, then there is no life.

Intake:
• One small pot of Yoplait No-Fat Yoghurt
• ~1/2 serving of Cheerios
• 1 stick of Pocky
• 1 medium apple
• 2 mini packs of cashews (these are really good ok don't judge lololol ironic bc i'm judging myself anyways)

Labels: personal

THE BASICS ♍
→ shermaine. 120994 (d/m/y). singaporean. one half-brother.
→ senior in high school. planning on majoring in science and english. varsity volleyball captain '13.
→ music. prose. dance. beautiful people. the illusion of love. the comfort of being alone.

THE DEEP SEA ⚡
→ i don't believe in dreams because reality is the only thing you can see. i'm a big time realist and occasional pessimist. maybe once in a blue moon you'll catch me being an optimist.
→ possibly cold and unfriendly at first glance. give me a few minutes to discover our similarities, however, and we'll be best friends.
→ my life seems to revolve around writing, making graphics and studying. any spare time i have i spend it with the friends i want to spend time with.
→ sarcasm is my safety line. i fall back on it when i have nothing else to keep me afloat.
→ i hold strong opinions in many controversial topics, but i don't voice them unless provoked.
→ i'm relatively tolerant, because we're all flawed. but if you're ignorant, arrogant, homophobic, sexist, we will not get along well.

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